The Special Hell
by yesimadramaqueen
Summary: Mal/River oneshot. Mal recalls how he ended up in a barn with River Tam, earning him a one way ticket to the Special Hell.


How did he get here? This was somewhere he vowed _never, __**never**_, to be. He was really sure what led to this. If he was anywhere with anyone, he always assumed it would be with Inara in her shuttle or his bunk. But no. Inara had left over a year ago. He had only spoken to her twice. She seemed very content with being at the Training House. If she was happy, then he was happy for her. Had he fallen out of love with her long ago? Everything was murky, cloudy even. Now he was going to the Special Hell for sure. What would Book say if he were still alive? Probably some long lecture or maybe nothing at all, his words replaced by a long and piercing gaze sharply portraying his disapproval. Oh, and Mal deserved that gaze right then.

There Malcolm Reynolds was, in some barn with River curled up in his lap, sleeping soundly. Her head was pressed against his shoulder with one hand resting gently on his bare chest. Her hair fell over her face in those soft curls that he couldn't resist running his hands through. Oh yeah…he needed Book. He needed a lecture to snap him out of it. What he did was bad, wrong, completely terrible on so many different levels. Looking at her peacefully sleeping form, feeling her soft, warm skin against his, he sadly realized that a lecture wouldn't do any good. How had he come to have sex with an eighteen year old girl, and be _beyond _okay with it?

****

He guessed that it all started when he taught her how to fly. She had already figured it out on her own, but he didn't feel comfortable letting a semi-unstable girl pilot his ship without teaching her first. He'd lean over her shoulder and point to the various controls, getting momentarily dazed by her sent. She had changed since Miranda. Her secrets were out, and she was free to move on. She was getting better, although she still had her moments. Sometimes she'd sit in the copilot's chair, watching him fly the ship, hugging her legs close to her chest like she always did and she'd say something in her code language. It captivated him how easily she came up with these codes, and how beautiful they sounded with that sweet voice of hers. Like lyrics to some strange song ringing out into the Black.

Then there was the time he taught her how to land the ship. He put his arms over hers and helped direct her towards a smooth landing. The sensation of her tiny arms under his, the feel of her skin, it kept him enthralled for hours. He'd look down at his arms and move his fingers unconsciously where her bare skin had been before, like he could still feel her there.

As she became the fulltime pilot, he became even more enchanted by her. He watched how her hair moved when she leaned over to hit a button or flip a switch. He noticed the way that her eyes flickered when she was in deep thought and the way that her lips moved when she muttered to herself before taking off or setting down. He especially liked to watch her slender fingers glide over the controls as she set a course. He found more and more reasons to pop in to watch her for a bit.

River Tam fascinated him. She had this mystery about her, like everything she said or did was some forbidden secret. She was forbidden alright. But even so, he loved to watch her work and move. Every movement she made was elegant and performed like a dance. Something about her reminded him of Inara. She had her eyes, her grace, her poise. Although she wasn't as pretty and didn't wear the sexy outfits Inara was known for, River Tam had a beauty of her own. He couldn't put his finger on what it was. Her hair was always somewhat messy and her dresses were plain, but when she walked into a room he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

He finally figured out what had been the event to take a quiet mesmerization with the girl to feelings eventually leading to a hunger, a desire that he couldn't deny. It had been on a job they got from Badger when things started to change.

Their intel wasn't solid, and it turned out that the number of men on the cargo was three times more than expected. They got into a brawl although they were heavily outnumbered. River took on at least five at a time, using nothing except for the body she was born with. Mal watched for just a second. She twirled around, her hair fanning out and soaring through the air, before lifting her leg and kicking a man in the face, his bones going through his brain. He saw her entire completely bare leg. Her skin was milky white against the dark walls and the dark blue dress she was wearing. He was snapped back into reality thanks to a brutal punch. Jayne was hit, but still fighting and Zoe was still mostly unharmed. Mal took a harsh beating too.

"Sir! We should get outta here!" Zoe roared.

"Right! Let's get out of here!" he agreed.

"Go without me!" River shouted in reply followed by snapping someone's neck.

"What do you mean by 'go without me'?" Mal called back, narrowly avoiding a flying object.

"Get the mule! A salamander can withstand the fire!"

"You're comin' too, albatross! I ain't leavin' you here!"

"GO!" she bellowed with a venom he had never heard her use before.

"NO!" He wanted to pick her up and carry her back home, even if it meant knocking her out to do so. He wasn't about to leave her. Zoe supported most of Jayne's weight as she rushed past Mal. He didn't move from his position. River took a bad hit across the face.

"River!" He started to go help her, but Zoe came back and dragged him out of the joint by his coat. The last thing he saw was River fighting over a knife. Panic set in followed by sheer terror. How could he leave her? Zoe made him help her carry Jayne to the nearby mule. The entire way Mal's mind was racing. He couldn't stand the thought of losing her.

"She survived a room full of Reavers sir. She'll be fine," Zoe said, sensing his worry. They got into the mule and went back to the establishment. The door opened just as they pulled up. River was limping slightly, but carrying the cargo they came for. She tossed it into the back and then climbed onboard. Mal was so happy to see her bruise-filled, blood-stained, cut-covered face. He lightly cupped her chin to examine the wounds more closely. Her big brown eyes looked at him, practically making his heart melt. He moved some of her hair out of her face to look at a long cut on her temple. Even though she was battered, she looked so pretty. He didn't realize it, but he voiced that opinion.

"You look pretty." He froze for a second realizing what he had just said. He cleared his throat, "…rough. You look pretty rough. You do okay in there?" She nodded against his rough hand. "You sure you're okay?"

"Time heals," she smiled. He felt himself smile back. It faded as soon as he realized it was on his face. She looked down at his hand curiously. It was still on her face. He took it away quickly. She caught him looking at her more than once. He was so glad that she was alive and so worried that she was hurt, even though Jayne was the one bleeding out in the front seat.

After that day, he was more and more aware of her and afraid for her safety. He kept her close to him on jobs, partly just to be near her and partly to keep her safe. It wasn't a surprise to him that went a certain job when south, he took a blow meant for River. He was waiting for it to happen actually. If she got hurt, he'd personally take down the bastard that did it. So, he took a crippling blow to the gut for her and then got into an all out fight because of it. Apparently at some point the fight was broken up. He didn't remember what happened. He only remembered taking the blow to the gut, retaliating, blinding pain, and then opening his eyes in the infirmary where River stood over him waiting for him to wake up.

"Morning," she smiled. He forgot to breathe for a second.

"Hey..." he replied weakly.

"Thanks for taking the hit for me."

"I…it…it was nothin' darlin'."

She leaned down and carefully pushed some of his hair aside to look at a large bruise on his forehead. He instantly felt a surge of electricity rush though him. He felt her warm fingers so delicately put his hair back in place.

"It doesn't look like nothing."

"It's nothin' to worry about."

"Why'd you take the blow?"

"I didn't want him hurtin' my little albatross." He stopped, a lump rising in his throat. Had he just called her _my _little albatross? Luckily she didn't notice.

"Thank you."

"As I said, it was no-" she went to his somewhat unharmed cheek and lightly kissed him. Her lips barely grazed his skin, for fear of hurting him. He could smell that sent of hers as her hair tickled his nose before she stood up straight and then left. "…thing." He reached up and put his hand where her warm lips had just been. After that, there was no going back. He wanted her…bad. He felt bad for wanting her the way that he did. Every night before bed he'd look in the mirror and shake his head muttering, "I'm a bad man…a dirty bad man."

How he came to be in his current situation was a more colorful story.

****

It was a beautiful day. Serenity was on a small moon orbiting one of the more primitive planets. It was pleasant enough. The sky was bright, offsetting the dead grass and trees around them. A gentle breeze came through and caught River's hair, moving it just slightly. The light caught her eyes too in just the perfect way. Mal watched her walk down the dirt road with Kaylee into town. She looked so amazing that day. Even her dress, although he had seen it plenty of times before, looked more beautiful than usual. Shaking the thoughts from his head trying to avoid tormenting himself any longer, he joined his crew on the long walk into town.

The people around were nice, however suspicious of off-worlders. Their job was simply to get a shipment of horseshoes to some rancher. The place reminded him slightly of his childhood on Shadow. Jayne followed them in the mule with the shipment. He'd wait nearby, just incase the deal didn't work out. The deal went surprisingly smoothly. The guy didn't even haggle. Instead, he invited them in for supper with him and his daughter. His daughter was a pretty thing that reminded Mal all too much of Saffron, Yolanda, Bridget…whatever the hell her name really was. He could already see the look in his mercenary's eyes at the sight of her. It was like…Jayne was starving and she was an all you can eat buffet.

Jayne sat beside the girl, practically pushing Kaylee out of his way. Simon glared at Jayne, a bit over protective of his fiancée. Mal sat beside the man and River. Watching River put her arms on the table, setting her chin carefully on her hands made Mal's heart beat just that much faster. The meal was pleasant enough, although the girl kept giggling and flirting with Jayne. This can't end well, Mal thought nervously. When the man's daughter started to clear the table, Jayne sprang into action to help her take them to the kitchen. They were taking a little too long to come back for the rest of the dishes they couldn't carry.

"I should take the rest of 'em in," the man said.

"No! I mean, no that would be awful rude like of me and mine to eat your meal and then avoid helpin' clean up. Let _me_," Mal said, attempting to remain even and nonchalant about the entire thing. He just knew that his mercenary was doing something less than gentleman like with the man's daughter. Mal quickly gathered the plates and flashed his best reassuring smile before venturing off to find the kitchen. He had just found it and opened the door to reveal Jayne's tongue down her throat and his hands placed on her breasts when her father appeared behind Mal.

"I see you found the kit…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN' WITH MY DAUGHTER?"

Jayne quickly backed away from the girl.

"BUT PA! I LOVE HIM!" she cried.

"Whoa! Hey! Love? We just met!" Jayne exclaimed. The man pulled a gun out from under his coat and pointed it at Jayne.

"Hey! Let's all just cool down here!" Mal cried. By this time, the rest of Serenity's crew stood watching the scene unfold.

"You have to marry my daughter."

"WHAT?" Jayne bellowed. The man cocked the hammer of the gun with a fear-instilling click.

"I'm gonna give you two choices. One, you marry her. Two, you 'n your crew start runnin' 'fore I start shootin'!"

Jayne looked at Mal and then bolted past everyone. Mal groaned and then followed his crew run out of the house, bullets and the man not far behind. Jayne leapt into the mule followed by Zoe, Kaylee, and Simon. River stopped and when Mal got to her side, he stopped too.

"Go. We'll be behind you," Mal said calmly. Zoe nodded and then they sped off. The angry man kept shooting at them, even though they weren't Jayne. It was nightfall, so he just assumed that Mal was Jayne. River and Mal ran away, not really sure where they were going. It started to drizzle and then became a violent rain. Turns out they went the opposite direction of Serenity, and it was already pretty far away from the house. Tired from running and freezing from the rain, they decided to duck into a barn for the night.

It was free of any animals, but was full of hay and various tools. Mal spread his coat out on the ground, hoping it would at least make the night more comfortable. She sat down first, shivering slightly. He sat beside her. There was just enough light to see her features and her pale skin. He wanted to hold her to try to warm her up, but his shirt had gotten pretty wet. As if she could hear his thoughts, which she probably did, she moved closer to him and tugged gently on his shirt.

"You should take this off. Wetness seeps through, not good for body heat."

He didn't know what to say. She reached out and undid the first button, working her way down the row. He sat there, unable to move let alone breathe. She pushed off of his shoulders and then pulled it all of the way off. She put her cold hand in the middle of his chest. He jumped at the sudden contact. She assumed it was because her hand was cold.

"Sorry. My hands are cold."

"No it's not that," he managed to get out.

"Do you mind if I…?" she put her hand back on his chest. He shook his head no. She moved even closer, pressing up against his warm side. He inhaled her sent, lost in the moment. Her hand suddenly moved up to his cheek along with her face. Her lips hovered in front of his. She hesitated, he didn't. He closed the distance, pulling her into a passionate kiss. They stopped. He couldn't believe it. She went back for seconds. He didn't deny them.

"Body heat helps," she breathed onto his lips before kissing him again. He allowed himself to run his hands through her hair and discover the feeling of her skin against his. Before he knew what was happening, she was removing his belt and he was removing her dress. He couldn't stop, he didn't want to stop. Soon they were completely naked and they had toppled over on the hard ground of the barn. They didn't even worry about being discovered.

He was amazed at how much she knew, and how good she was at it. Her light touch as she ran her fingers just barely down his chest made him purr contentedly. Somehow her hands and tongue had already found one of his weaknesses along his side, making him groan every time she touched or tasted it. He put his hands firmly on her hips rolling them over so he was on top. He explored her body for her weakness, something to make her unravel. He found a spot on the nape of her neck that made her make similar sounds that he had been making. He kissed it softly, running his lips slowly across it. She whimpered and grabbed onto his back. She could feel his ragged and urgent breathing on her ear. His face was buried in her hair, his cheek pressed against hers. He heard her making soft noises which only added to his drive along with her hands roaming his back.

They both lay exhausted beside each other after. He leaned up against the wall, trying to catch his breath. She curled up in his lap and looked up at him those eyes. They kissed again, almost as if they were secretly saying that they didn't regret what had just happened. As soon as his breathing calmed, she fell asleep in his arms. He couldn't believe what they had just done. He tried to wrap his mind around it all.

So, there he sat with River asleep in his arms. He had no idea where this would go, if it was just a one time thing or if they were going to make a go of it. What would the crew do? What would _Simon _do? What if they didn't work out? What if they did? His questions were interrupted as River stirred against him. Her eyes slowly opened and sleepily gazed into Mal's.

"Hey there albatross," he said, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Stop worrying and just ask," she yawned. He took a deep breath.

"Was this a one time thing?" he awaited her answer.

"That depends. Do you want it to be?"

"What do you want it to be?"

She put her arm around his neck and pulled him down to a kissable level. Their lips met and went they parted, they had their answer.

"I didn't know that you…" he began. She nodded tiredly and then moved to a more comfortable position tucked in the crook of his neck. "Why didn't you say?"

"Wasn't the right time. Wasn't sure you felt the same."

"I would have shown it, but it was a bit…dangerous considerin' the age difference."

"I don't care. Neither do you. Just worried others will."

"I guess that's so."

"It is."

"What 'bout Simon and the others?"

"They'll just have to deal with it."

"So we'll make a go of it?" Mal asked happily. She nodded against him, her hair tickling his neck.

"Tomorrow, Captain. You wore me out."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. "G'night darlin'."

She sighed and then fell asleep. After carefully repositioning himself without waking her, he fell asleep too with a smile etched on his face. The Special Hell couldn't be too bad; after all he liked hot weather. It'd be worth it though if he would be like that with River Tam every night, which is what he intended to do.

The end


End file.
